I am new to calibrating, and read a lot before starting. Yes, I am a newbie so be kind if I use improper terms or descriptions ;)

Using DVE's color decoders I have figured out how to get all my colors almost perfectly blended with the background using tint, color, and a few tweaks on the detailed settings - no easy feat!

I also used the beginner's greyscale pluge to adjust the brightness where the 2% is just barely visible. This worked great, until I got to the troubleshooting section and they put up a similar pluge but it was more white in the background, and that made my 2% bar disappear. Should I use the higher contrast one and adjust to that?

Contrast is also an issue. Which advanced pattern should I use? My guess is the grayscale steps where there is one on the top with white BG and a reversed scale on the botton with a black BG. Do I try to get it where the far left white on top blends with the BG, and far bottom square on the left blends with the black bg?

It seems that if I can get the brightness and contrast nailed, I can get the colors back to being calibrated. I don't mind going back and forth as I can see changing one setting throws off the rest.

Sharpness is getting me - on my set the sharpness slider seems to do nothing. At 0 or at 100 I see no negligible difference in the test pattern between the greys and the black lines. There are no white lines created or halos, and no real difference in either extreme on the scale???

Any help in getting perfect greyscale, followed by proper contrast and brightness is greatly appreciated. I need a masters degree to understand all these test patterns! I also don't get why DVE comes with RGB Decoders but not one grayscale chart to see if my greys are neutral and not too warm or cold???? Can I use a Pantone PMS chart gauge my greys (I am a graphic designer so I have access to one)?

EDIT:
http://www.avical.com/articles/avicals_dve_user-level_video_calibration_tutorial.html
Most questions are answered here, but any additional help is still appreciated.

Make sure all your dynamic contrast, dynamic lighting stuff is turned off.

On a CRT it's common to experience the 2% visible now, not later because of the way the guns work. On a DLP it shouldn't be like that, and if it is it's probably some kind of dynamic lighting trick.

I'm not sure what pantone color D65 most closely mimmics, but usually you only play with greyscale if you have a colorimeter.

Typically warm is the closest default setting for greyscale.