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How to be a Fanboy.....

1K views 18 replies 15 participants last post by  WirelessGuru 
#1 ·
#3 ·

Quote:
Originally Posted by WiFi-Spy /forum/post/0

http://www.wired.com/news/columns/0,72890-0.html




Alt TextIf you read video game message boards -- for instance, because you are trying to make yourself insane -- you'll notice the word fanboy being thrown around a lot.


What's a fanboy? How can you be a fanboy? Do they get discounts at Denny's? Well, shoot yourself up with learning juice and strap yourself down, because I'm about to explain.


First off, you don't need to be a boy to be a fanboy. You don't even need to be a male. None of the other posters are going to believe you're a woman, even if you are, so the word fangirl doesn't get nearly as much use.


So how can you bear the proud mantle of fanboy? The first step is to pick a video game system to give your undying allegiance. Most fanboys ally themselves with one of the latest generation of consoles, but a few diehards are still rooting for the Dreamcast.


Once you've picked your system -- and don't take too long choosing, you're going to be equally irrational no matter what you pick -- you're ready to hit the boards. Here are some simple rules to ensure that you live up to the fanboy ideal.

Your System Has No Flaws

Admitting even a single problem with your system of choice is like stripping naked, rolling in a kiddie pool full of congealed rabbit blood and jumping the fence into the Jack Palance Memorial Rottweiler Training Camp and Grizzly Farm. Online forums are cruel places, and you must show no weakness. Therefore, you must deny any accusations of imperfection.


Example: "There's no proof that my console is likely to burst into flames. Those 50 kids in the burn ward could all be lying."

It's Not Broken, It's Hard-Core

Hard-core is good. There is no nobler endeavor than directing the actions of tiny, violent, make-believe people, so clearly hard-core gamers are better human beings than anyone else. Luckily, most problems with systems and games make them more difficult and less fun to play, which is pretty much the same as hard-core. So you can easily score points for both yourself and the system by implying that your opponent is a less virile button-presser than yourself.


Example: "Sure, the game erases all the save files on the drive if your character drives off a cliff. If you were hard-core like me, you'd see that that's a great feature."

Praising Another System Is the Same as Insulting Yours

Why would someone say something nice about a console? Because it has something other consoles don't. So when someone says they like another console, that's logically the same as insulting yours, which is logically the same as breaking into your house and making you dress up in a pink kitty outfit while doing a little dance and singing, "It's My Party." You must never allow this to happen.


Example: "What do you mean your system has exceptionally durable rubber feet? My system's rubber feet are so durable that I've stabbed them with a shrimp fork 500 times and they're still pristine! Because I'm hard-core, that's why!"

Everyone's Biased but You

In spite of your effort, people continue to buy other video game systems. Worse yet, they continue to praise other video game systems, right out in public where God and everyone can see. How can this be? Obviously, they've been brainwashed by multinational corporations and slick television commercials in spite of your best efforts. There may come a time when you realize you're dealing with someone who just can't face up to the reality that everything in their life is a sad charade and that the only source of truth is you. In this case, you'll just have to dismiss them with an appropriate pejorative.


Example: "You're nothing but a fanboy."


Funny stuff.
 
#6 ·
I saw another list a while back that was more to the point. My favorite, and the most accurate, was the one that said that any feature your system has is vitally important (especially if no other system has it), but anything it doesn't have is not needed at all.
 
#10 ·
I think we need to add the silly signatures we see on here to the what makes you a fanboy.


What is with the stupid equipment list at the end of some peoples posts? Why do I need to know that you own?


XBOX 360 w HDDVD Addon

Sony Bravia Million inch TV with Monster Cable setup

Harmony Remote model No 69



LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I saw one guy on here put his car on the list. Another guy looked like he listed every inch of gear he owned! LOL


Good Lord!!
 
#12 ·

Quote:
Originally Posted by xboxboi /forum/post/0


not to mention, a fan boy must at every chance possible, announce that he (or she) owns the competiting format ..

Addendum:


But is very disappointed in it and won't/can't buy software for it



But really, really is format neutral.
 
#14 ·
I fondly (or not) remember back to Jaguar/3DO discussions, PS/Dreamcast, Laserdics/DVD, PS2/Xbox... The article is spot on, then and now.
 
#15 ·

Quote:
Originally Posted by SirDrexl /forum/post/0


I saw another list a while back that was more to the point. My favorite, and the most accurate, was the one that said that any feature your system has is vitally important (especially if no other system has it), but anything it doesn't have is not needed at all.

And if your console doesn't have (insert feature here), it's actually a good thing.
 
#16 ·
Fun article - could easily have been a lot longer and still not run out of material



BTW - Just picked up my first Wii (wee!) It really is a whole new and refreshing approach to video game consoles. So easy to play even my 6 year old is playing great tennis. It reminds me of how we've fallen into the same "joystick control shoot em up" rut over the years.


So it's me, my Xbox 360 and my Wii...
 
#17 ·
I think I've found that article . It was from Gamespot:

Quote:
Dear Fanboys,


I have a few pieces of advice I want to pass onto you in this GameSpotting. I know that in an age of multiple platforms and a huge amount of games, it can be difficult to remain loyal to one platform or one company. It's a real challenge, and you are all noble and courageous for taking on this quest. I have a few suggestions that I hope you all take to heart. It will help guide you down the path of the fanboy.


GameSpot is the most reliable source for reviews. Except when another publication rates the game you're hyping higher than us. Then that publication is the most reliable source. Until next week, anyway.


A person who owns just one console is inherently less biased than editors at GameSpot who have access to all consoles.


The term "exclusive" is tricky. Its definition changes depending upon whether a hot game appears on your platform or not.


Innovation is what it's called when your console has a unique feature. Otherwise, it's called a gimmick.


Your specific needs are shaped around your platform's features. For instance, if your console doesn't feature HDTV support, then it really wasn't that necessary to have, anyway.


A game that is scored less than a 9.5 on any platform you don't own is called a flop. If it does achieve that score, it's called overrated. (According to the GameSpot rating system, a game rated 8 or above is "great," but we all know that it really means "flop.")


Sales numbers are everything, as long as the numbers are best for your favorite company or console. If that means you have to dig up numbers for sales in New Zealand stores from seven months ago to prove your point, so be it.


Likewise, it is up to you to monitor how companies are doing and report every dip in stock price of manufacturers of other consoles. You're all experts in the fields of economics and finance, so your analyses will always prove correct.


You must realize, that some companies are evil, and some are inherently good. Some companies do it for the money, others do it... so, well, you can brag about them.


Perhaps the most clever thing you as fanboys can do is to come up with derogatory names for competing consoles, such as Xbrick instead of Xbox or FlopStation 2 instead of PlayStation 2.


On message boards, the best way to convey your point is to write in all caps, ignore the rules of grammar, and include lots of "LMAO's" and "LOLs" in your post.


It makes perfect sense to insult a company's lineup one moment and at the same time hope that company will go third party and develop for your console the next.


Playing a game on a different console for ten minutes at a friend's house qualifies you as an expert on that game and console.


You are obviously the most knowledgeable person about hardware. So when you're talking about the difference between CISC and RISC processors, everyone should stop and listen.


A sequel on another console is a "rehash," while a sequel on your console is not; in fact, it's highly anticipated.


Your platform is the best one in existence. Any time you see what might be evidence to the contrary, it's clearly because others are blinded by their idiotic fanboyism.


So you see, dear readers, the best part about being a fanboy is that you can never be proven wrong. As long as you ignore the rules of logic and sensibility, you will never have to worry about whether or not you made a good investment. That sure helps all the insecurity go away, doesn't it?


In the meanwhile, the rest of us will have to go on using our brains to make decisions when it comes to videogames. We will have to actually think about whether or not it's worth it to buy a console based on our needs. We will have to consider forking over more money for a new machine if its games are excellent. We will have to play the best games instead of bash them if they're not on our consoles.


In other words, the rest of us non-fanboys are doomed to a life of playing the best games and enjoying our hobby, while you will have the luxury of being able to ignore the majority of games that come out, because they're not on your console. That is indeed very lucky for you all.


And with that, I must wrap up my letter today. I hope I was able to teach you all a thing or two.
 
#19 ·
How about -

Resistance: Fall of Man looks better than Gears of War.
 
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