Screw it. Got onto chat with samsung. He knew his stuff but nothing worked. Unplugging didn't work, holding stop didn't reset. Finally downloaded firmware off the website (which was another huge problem. Hint: take "org" off the start of the URL if it keeps timing out). Plugged it in - nothing. Unplugged unit, waited 5 minutes, plugged in the USB, plugged in the unit - nothing. Splash screen, checks server connection, and right to "checking software version..." and hangs. Doesn't look at the USB at all.
Taking it back and getting a sony S570. Supposedly sucks at Netflix; we'll see.
HD DVD = 64
Blu-Ray = 171
Blu-Ray 3D = 10
SDVD = 585