"but no sense in telling me I should need to hit 115 with 2kw amps because ill never utilize that"
ok. some things to consider though:
1. you don't want to be running your system to the max, so 3-6db of headroom is good.
2. 95db is really loud for midrange spl
3. our ears are much less sensitive to bass than midrange, so for the same 'loudness' level, much higher spl in the bass is required. this shows up in the spectral content of music, where (even with no bass boosting), the bass tends to run 10db or so higher in level than the midband
4. redirecting the bass from several speakers into the subwoofer increases the output from the subwoofer by that much as well, so add another 3-6db for this.
so, even with your stated max spl of 95db 'listening volume' peak, the bass energy requirement is something closer to 115db total.
an inuke3000dsp amp (~2kw power, $300), 18" si 18ht driver (~$200), and a large ported enclosure ($50DIY) can get you there for about $500, so it doesn't have to break the bank. adding a second driver and cab ($250) smooths room modes and make for a more effortless presentation and will handily outperform even internet direct sub offerings. your challenge is to select a form factor that best blends with your room.
the goal of 10hz at -15db from reference might be worth revisiting, as that might not even be detectable in most rooms.