Why Do Some Spouses Gripe About Your Purchases - AVS Forum
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post #1 of 32 Old 05-31-2012, 09:28 AM - Thread Starter
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I see so many post saying basically, that my wife has something negative to say about me buying this or that. It's kinda wierd to hear this so often and made me wonder how that makes you feel.

I'm not knocking anybody or their relationship with their significant other because that is very personal. But I know that most of you have a passion for these things or you wouldn't visit these forums and say things like "I can't wait till that delivery truck pulls up." I say the same thing myself. If my wife was always giving me a hard time about my passions then there would be a problem as that's basically saying I'll tell you what you can have and not have. That would be hard for me to take and I'm glad I don't have to go through that. But how do you guys feel about it? Is it ok with you, is there a trade off or does it make you feel bad. I'm just trying to understand.
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post #2 of 32 Old 05-31-2012, 09:46 AM
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If you don't share the same passion for something that your spouse does, it can lead to the nagging of which you speak. My wife is very supportive, especially given the amount of time I spend examining every detail of the set, and obsessing over the slightest defect. It puts me in a bad mood when something is wrong with my tv set, and she has to be around me when I'm being a crybaby about it. I look at it this way...if she made me go from store to store looking at different jeans, only to buy a pair and freak out when one thread doesn't look as nice as it should, I would have been divorced by now, lol.

I give my wife all the credit in the world for putting up with me.
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post #3 of 32 Old 05-31-2012, 09:55 AM
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Time changes things ..

I've been an audio / video hobbiest since the 1960's .. my wife is well past the "Why did you buy that phase" ..

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post #4 of 32 Old 05-31-2012, 10:28 AM - Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by deathrattlehead View Post

If you don't share the same passion for something that your spouse does, it can lead to the nagging of which you speak. My wife is very supportive, especially given the amount of time I spend examining every detail of the set, and obsessing over the slightest defect. It puts me in a bad mood when something is wrong with my tv set, and she has to be around me when I'm being a crybaby about it. I look at it this way...if she made me go from store to store looking at different jeans, only to buy a pair and freak out when one thread doesn't look as nice as it should, I would have been divorced by now, lol.

I give my wife all the credit in the world for putting up with me.

Well said. My wife is much more patient with me than I am with her and I always wind up feeling bad about it. I feel bad just thinking about it. The opposites attract thing is real. I've have a female co-worker who know's I get and sell stuff often and she always says I couldn't be married to somebody like that.


Time changes things ..

Quote:I've been an audio / video hobbiest since the 1960's .. my wife is well past the "Why did you buy that phase" ..
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My wife likes to buy two of everything and have a jar full of pens, pencils and a pair of scissors in every room. I think we have a broom in every room also. So when she comes in with another broom I say "where are you putting that." I think that because she never bothers me about buying stuff, I usually give her a little cut of the proceeds when I sell something.
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post #5 of 32 Old 05-31-2012, 10:46 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jbug View Post

I see so many post saying basically, that my wife has something negative to say about me buying this or that. It's kinda wierd to hear this so often and made me wonder how that makes you feel.

I'm not knocking anybody or their relationship with their significant other because that is very personal. But I know that most of you have a passion for these things or you wouldn't visit these forums and say things like "I can't wait till that delivery truck pulls up." I say the same thing myself. If my wife was always giving me a hard time about my passions then there would be a problem as that's basically saying I'll tell you what you can have and not have. That would be hard for me to take and I'm glad I don't have to go through that. But how do you guys feel about it? Is it ok with you, is there a trade off or does it make you feel bad. I'm just trying to understand.

My take about it is a couple of things; First, I'm a Mac enthusiast so I also frequent Mac related forums and 24/7 people are talking about slight imperfections that nobody would ever notice, constant returns back to the store to yet again exchange the Mac trying to convince the store of the hairline scratch out of the box that can only be seen under a specific type of light at specific angle.

Also these same people can't seem to hold on to their Macs much longer than a year or so. When the new model comes out they sell it and replace it with the new model which doesn't offer enough to justify getting rid of the old one. I see a lot of this forum being the same way about TV's.

Men are generally into their tech and cars and women have their things that they are anal about. You have to ask yourself, are you, or would you be just as patient and understanding about a woman's anal retentiveness about the things she buys as you expect her to be about your stuff? It goes both ways. I don't think the people complaining here about their spouses nagging them are telling the full story in regards to home life. Forums are a perfect place for one-sided rants.
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post #6 of 32 Old 05-31-2012, 11:30 AM
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post #7 of 32 Old 05-31-2012, 12:06 PM
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Not everyone has 2k+ to just throw out for a new TV. When you have student loans, house repairs, bills, mortgage, etc it's pretty hard to convince even myself that a new TV is a priority when the 5 year old set I have still works. I'd love to have a new TV and surround sound but I'd much rather have a new house or some bills paid off. It's important to live in the same reality as those you live with.
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post #8 of 32 Old 05-31-2012, 12:33 PM
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I buy AV stuff the everyone in the family uses and enjoys. My wife buys clothes that get stored away and rarely, if ever, worn. Sometimes she buys something and it never makes it out of the plastic bag. She returns it, paying for return shipping. I think I have more to gripe about.
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post #9 of 32 Old 05-31-2012, 12:37 PM
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Not everybody sees a point in spending a huge amount of money on a television.
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post #10 of 32 Old 05-31-2012, 12:52 PM
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It's simple. Consumer electronics can be expensive, and that extra money is not spend on them.


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post #11 of 32 Old 05-31-2012, 01:14 PM
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I don't let it bother me much, but instead generally keep an eye on what my wife buys, and each time she spends some money on things she wants, I treat myself to some new audio/video equipment. In addition to that, I'm very picky about taking good care of our home theater equipment, but she is rather abusive to it, so anytime she does damage to any of it (even a scratch), that component instantly becomes hers to do with as she wishes and I upgrade.

That might not work for everyone, but it has been working pretty well for me, at least so far!

oz
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post #12 of 32 Old 05-31-2012, 01:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vaxick View Post

Not everybody sees a point in spending a huge amount of money on a television.

I've always looked at it from the standpoint of how much use you get out of it .. thus, a great mattress, a great refrigerator, a great recliner and a great A/V system are good investments ..

Not necessarily in that order ..

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post #13 of 32 Old 06-01-2012, 05:32 AM
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It's all about the green - if you make enough money your wife could/should care less what you buy. But if you make 30k and you are buying a $2,500 TV which is 8% of your income, you wife has the right to bitch.
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post #14 of 32 Old 06-01-2012, 05:41 AM
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If you were to break out the expense of owning a 4K tv over 5 years, you will discover that you're paying more per month for the channels you watch on said tv.

Just tell her that.

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post #15 of 32 Old 06-01-2012, 06:03 PM
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my wife just doesnt understand/care how much better tv's are now. ill give you one of her arguments about it: "i dont care if you say it looks better,the old crt from 1987 still works. i can still see a picture."

so some just dont see the value in modern sets....no matter how much better the picture looks.

or maybe its a jealousy thing. she knows ill get more use from my $3000 tv then she'll get from her "use once every 10 years or so $200 shoes."?
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post #16 of 32 Old 06-01-2012, 07:47 PM
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I can say that my girlfriend has been very patient and understanding with me through the last year of tv headaches. Up until last year we had a cheap CRT tv, and neither of us ever had an issue with it. No fluctuations, no pops, no blotches, flashlighting, clouding, lines, etc. - just a solid picture. DVDs looked fantastic. I had a blu-ray rom drive and watched blu-rays on my 1680x1050 monitor now and then. Being a big 3D fan I dreamed of the day of owning a nice 3D HDTV, but knew it would involve tough decisions and probable headaches, and lots of money we don't really have, so we were both fine with what we had.

When the CRT died suddenly last year, we were in a situation where we didn't want to buy a heavy, used CRT to carry up 3 flights of stairs, and I managed to convince my girlfriend it would be best for us to splurge for once and get a great tv. So we did. We bought an LCD, and we were both immediately disappointed by the inconsistent panel and flashlighting, not to mention the bizarre motion (either had terrible stutter on many HD channels or enable frame interpolation and suffer the shock of soap opera effect, which we both instantly hated). After 3 more LCDs, we rethought things and decided maybe plasma would fit us better and deliver a picture closer to what we were hoping for. So we bought a plasma, and spent more on it than my girlfriend ever imagined spending on a tv. And for months and months, the tv caused us grief.

My girlfriend didn't have any particular problem with the plasma, though she was rather indifferent towards the HD quality in general. It just wasn't something she was into one way or the other. But the fluctuating brightness was driving me mad, which in turn was driving my girlfriend mad, since I spent hours on end talking with Samsung to get things straightened out. We couldn't enjoy the set because I was constantly being reminded by the picture flaws that I was unhappy with the set.

So when the new sets came out this year, I convinced my girlfriend that it was for the best if we traded in the set and cut our losses with it and get a new 2012 model and not worry anymore about it. So we went for the ST50 and after 3 weeks it was clear the 3D was not up to the quality of the previous set we had traded in. We upgraded to the E8000 and that's what we now own, and we have absolutely no desire at this point to make any more changes. Whatever we get with the E8000 we get. Thankfully it does seem like a nice, nice set so far, without the headaches of last year's model.

I know, that was a long story. But that's my point - imagine how my girlfriend must feel through all this. She couldn't care less one way or the other about picture quality, unless it's complete crap (like the LCDs we tried). So she was being extremely tolerant of all the frustrations/stress/returns/internet research/phone calls, etc. during this whole thing. So basically we spent a ton of money on a set that drove us nuts for close to a year, and have only now settled in with a tv I think we can be happy with.

That's the problem with current tv technology, and I think that's why we tend to get heckled/nagged by our significant others regarding our purchases - these products are expensive, and often end up causing some level of frustration, and I think spouses often just don't see what the benefit is. We could have gone to a second-hand store or Craigs List for $50-$100 and picked up a nice Sony Wega, and my girlfriend would have been fine with it for years to come. But I wanted to take the opportunity to step into the world of 3D and HDTV, and what we got were headaches and frustration. I think ultimately we will be able to really enjoy this new plasma set, since hopefully I won't be spending every other night on the phone with Samsung. But from my own experience, it's no wonder we get hassled for our obsession with these tvs - heck, I'm sick of it all myself by now, I can't imagine how weary my girlfriend feels about it.

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post #17 of 32 Old 06-01-2012, 08:06 PM
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I found a great solution, if I find somthing I want I just pay her off with shopping spree money and everyone's happy.
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post #18 of 32 Old 06-01-2012, 08:08 PM
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My family thinks I'm crazy, but I can see that the youngest step-daughter is going to be like me.

I pay for my toys/hobbies and so my husband has little to say. He enjoys my toys very much, but he would also be just as happy with 42" lcd, or the huge crt we got rid of 2 years ago. Yep, only two years ago. I put my love for electronics aside until the kids left and I'm just catching up.

The key to keeping peace here is being able to sell the old stuff and to sell him on the new stuff before it comes into the house. I also try to make him feel like he's a part of the process too.

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post #19 of 32 Old 06-01-2012, 09:15 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wlcohen View Post

It's all about the green - if you make enough money your wife could/should care less what you buy. But if you make 30k and you are buying a $2,500 TV which is 8% of your income, you wife has the right to bitch.

Don't you mean she couldn't or shouldn't care less?
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post #20 of 32 Old 06-01-2012, 09:42 PM
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I'm only 16 years of age, and not married, only have a girlfriend. But if I was married, I feel like the wife would gripe about the purchase because she feels like there is a partnership between the two after the marriage, and maybe without talking to them before buying a set, this could be their natural response, without even knowing how well the set performs or even what the hell the damn thing is! Just my $0.02, but hey I'm just a kid, I could be completely wrong, and wouldn't be surprised if I was, haha.
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Because you haven't trained them hard enough. Don't be afraid to crack that whip. Bitches respect a firm backhand.
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post #22 of 32 Old 06-01-2012, 10:02 PM
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post #23 of 32 Old 06-02-2012, 08:43 AM
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We solved that problem years ago.

I have my account and she has her account and we have a pooled account where all the money to live comes from.

That way when I buy a toy-- she doesn't complain. When she comes home from the mall with 5 bags slung over her shoulder-- I don't complain.

Honestly, it's the only way I've found to live. Btw, no, we don't have kids-- so don't think I'm criticizing. It's just what works for us. Plus we're both pretty frugal people (for 30 something's without kids that is). We both get goosebumps when we score a 'deal'... We just find lot's of 'deals'!

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post #24 of 32 Old 06-02-2012, 09:31 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jawzey View Post

I'm only 16 years of age, and not married, only have a girlfriend. But if I was married, I feel like the wife would gripe about the purchase because she feels like there is a partnership between the two after the marriage, and maybe without talking to them before buying a set, this could be their natural response, without even knowing how well the set performs or even what the hell the damn thing is! Just my $0.02, but hey I'm just a kid, I could be completely wrong, and wouldn't be surprised if I was, haha.

There is a partnership, certainly ..

It's 90% wife / 10% husband .. Someday, come to understand this, you will...

Uncle Willie



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: Why don't you knock it off with them negative waves? Why don't you dig how beautiful it is out here? Why don't you say something righteous and hopeful for a change?
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post #25 of 32 Old 06-02-2012, 09:33 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sheshechic View Post

My family thinks I'm crazy, but I can see that the youngest step-daughter is going to be like me.

I pay for my toys/hobbies and so my husband has little to say. He enjoys my toys very much, but he would also be just as happy with 42" lcd, or the huge crt we got rid of 2 years ago. Yep, only two years ago. I put my love for electronics aside until the kids left and I'm just catching up.

The key to keeping peace here is being able to sell the old stuff and to sell him on the new stuff before it comes into the house. I also try to make him feel like he's a part of the process too.

Always nice to see the feminine perspective on a male dominated forum ..

Uncle Willie



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post #26 of 32 Old 06-02-2012, 10:17 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mgkdragn View Post

There is a partnership, certainly ..

It's 90% wife / 10% husband .. Someday, come to understand this, you will...


+1


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post #27 of 32 Old 06-02-2012, 10:26 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mgkdragn View Post

There is a partnership, certainly ..

It's 90% wife / 10% husband .. Someday, come to understand this, you will...

Haha! I think I have a good idea that's how it ends up to be.
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post #28 of 32 Old 06-02-2012, 10:33 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ozar View Post

I don't let it bother me much, but instead generally keep an eye on what my wife buys, and each time she spends some money on things she wants, I treat myself to some new audio/video equipment. In addition to that, I'm very picky about taking good care of our home theater equipment, but she is rather abusive to it, so anytime she does damage to any of it (even a scratch), that component instantly becomes hers to do with as she wishes and I upgrade.

That might not work for everyone, but it has been working pretty well for me, at least so far!

Nice I love it!
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post #29 of 32 Old 06-02-2012, 10:37 AM
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My wife is pretty cool about me buying stuff. She's "allowed" me to buy philharmonic speakers and a Bryston 4bsst2 in the last year so I can't complain.
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post #30 of 32 Old 06-02-2012, 10:39 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by d_m1010 View Post

My wife is pretty cool about me buying stuff. She's "allowed" me to buy philharmonic speakers and a Bryston 4bsst2 in the last year so I can't complain.

And I have no idea how that mad emoticon got in there lol.
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