The purpose of this post is to raise awareness of a terminal condition which is sweeping most of the civilized world.
It predominantly affects middle aged men, although persons of any age or gender may be affected.
Early symptoms manifest themselves as follows. The victim will be unable to drive past a BestBuy outlet without “just popping in”. In the very early stages, the victim may even reappear empty-handed.
As the condition worsens, the victim will probably become quite reclusive. At the point where he starts to call one of the rooms in the house his “cave”, the condition has become irreversible.
It is at this point that the victim may be tested by the utterance of the word “Bose”. The word will induce a nervous twitch and, as the condition progresses, can cause heart failure and acts of extreme violence. Tests should only be carried out under competent medical and military supervision.
The visits to BestBuy will now result in large quantities of cardboard appearing outside the cave, and an increasing level of noise from within. The noise, if suitably attenuated, can be identified as music. Recommended attenuation is double hearing protection. Around 500 yards should be maintained between any observer and the source.
The victim will, in due course, cease the visits to BestBuy, but this should be seen for what it is; the progression of the condition. He will start to babble ceaselessly about high-end audio stores and seek to visit such establishments, armed with a Visa card and a rented truck. At this point, only symptomatic treatment is possible.
The symptoms may be temporarily treated by the administration of large quantities of single malt Scotch whisky as soon as the victim is seen to reach for his car keys. Asking “What was that piece of music you were playing last night?” may help, since it will usually result in a headlong rush to the cave, followed by a repetition of the afore-mentioned cacophony. On no account must the word “Bose” be mentioned, unless a SWAT team is on hand, especially if the victim has internet access and a forum membership.
Despite the severity of the condition, it is not generally contagious, although to some extent, it appears to be hereditary. Remarkably, the victim’s spouse is extremely unlikely to become affected.