Here is my favorite so far:
I waited for some time for these cables to be available through Amazon because the local stereo store that carries them sells at List price and they refused to give me a 4 day vacation at DR Nights, a Dominican Republic sex resort where I wanted to request Jaqueline as my first 24hr girl. Honestly, they were all for it until I specified my companion preference. I began to suspect that the shop owner had reviewed the site and developed a fantasy about Jaqueline. I don't know why he would care because she's only been a GFE for about a thousand guys.
Anyway, I cancelled my order with them and got so excited that I pressed the Order and Pay button on Amazon. When I got the tracking information post shipping, I realized I had made a terrible mistake and sent the fabulous AudioQuest K2 Terminated Speaker Cable to my ex-wife's home across the country in Florida. The address was set there because I had sent her some granny panties for Valentine's day. Anyway, I was fuming mad when I found out that Amazon could not do anything about the destination on the Free Super Saver shipping rate service.
Now, you see this is a problem because my ex is, shall we say a little peeved at not receiving my alimony payments for the last 12 months so how could I call her and get her to forward the cable to me? She would either throw it in the garbage or the fireplace. Since I couldn't stand to see this happen to my beautiful cables, I decided to drive across the country, my fear of flying overriding good judgment. I normally ride a Ducatti Multistrada but the thought of decimated testicles and hemorrhoids meant I wasn't up for that ride so I went down to the Volkswagon dealer and handed them my credit card and told them to ring up the fastest car they had available, all the while thinking that Amazon ships the Free Super Saver packages faster than a porn star puts on a condom. The handed me my receipt and walked me out to my new used car, a 2011 Bugatti Veyron. No refunds on used cars they said as my jaw dropped in disbelief.
Some maniacs in a Mercedes Benz ZL55 were across the street picking up a sponsor check for their attempt on the cross-country speed record and as they blasted out onto the highway I jumped on their tail. I followed those guys with their laser jammers and radar detectors for ten states until I realized I had better start going South toward Florida. They were quite expressive every time they saw me with finger waves and obscene gestures. They had a extra fuel tank and they had to drive with the windows open since the fumes were so strong and I could hear them yelling at me, Tell it to my ex, I mouthed. I had to stop for gas far more often but then the Veyron would catch up to them in about 90 seconds. Anyway, I slowed down to about 150 after that so as not to attract too much attention. That was almost idling in the Veyron and I kept forgetting to shift into 7th gear. I hit Orlando with a little rubber still on the tires and pulled up in front of my ex's house just as the UPS van rounded the corner. I grabbed the guy at the van with my ID in hand and signed for the package. My ex came out just as I activated the Launch control in the Veyron and I gave her a little finger wave. So now I'm in Florida and exhausted from no sleep for three days and I remember that they have excursion rate flights to the Dominican Republic. I knew I was going to pass out anyway so I booked the next flight. When I got out of the airplane, there was Jaqueline standing with a big sign with my name on it and an Island drink with flowers and umbrellas in it. She also brought a few other girls along that weren't apparently assigned to a visitor yet. I handed my AudioQuest K2 Terminated Speaker Cable box to Jaqueline (I wasn't going to leave the cables in the Veyron because I figured it would be stolen in about 30 minutes) and told her to protect it with her life so she took off her bikini top and wrapped it around the box. Then the other girls did the same and those cables were well cushioned. After my stay, Jacueline decided to come home with me. I don't speak Spanish but she kept saying "papá de azúcar" and I figured that meant she wanted to marry me. Amazingly the Veyron was still there and I figured she should drive since she couldn't get a ticket without a license but every time I fell asleep she would ease it up to 200 MPH and my ears would pop and wake me up. We got home and interesting enough the Veyron's GPS system had tracked the whole trip and it fired off an OnStar message to the Guiness Book of Records and we got the record for going the North to South route. Damn Veyron thinks of everything. I sold the Veyron, making a profit due to its record holding status. As I sat down in my listening room with the box in my lap containing the K2's, Jaqueline started to rub my neck and whispered in my ear, "Creo que estoy embarazada". Yah baby, it is about time we put these bad boys to work. I swapped out my old Coincidence cables and in went the K's. Holy crap, they sounded "Oh my God" awful. I took them out and called Amazon for return authorization. So, I got my money back, made a profit on the Bugatti that paid for the whole trip and now I have to go because Jaqueline needs some company in the shower.