I did'nt actually Marry a "Master Gardener", however last fall my wife tells me she is signing up for a "Mastner Gardener" class at IUPUI. Long Story Short...
12 weeks of classes and 35 hrs of community gardening service, (under the supervision of an already certified master gardner of course), a certificate comes in the mail declaring that I am now officially married to a "Master Gardner".
I must admit initially the idea presented great appeal, and I showered her with the usual spousal support. I envisioned my home surrounded with a park like yard , and the relaxing garden atmosphere a "Master Gardener" would create.
So 2 weekends ago, She dawns her brightly polished "Master Gardener" Crown and drives the truck to Menards on her first "officially sanctioned" mission. 3 hrs later, she returns with her smile in high lamp mode and (4) Trees (14) 3-5 gallon plants, (16) 1 gallon plants, and countless flats of those little black thingies with flowers in them.
And only then, while staring at a truck full of foilage, the first of the "Master Gardener Proclamations" is announced to the minions. (me and our 2 boys).
Here ye!, Here ye! --- "Master Gardeners" do not dig their own holes ---
Yes.. , but... basement.... but.......
Now planting for a "MG" is not like planting the old fashioned way, where you dig the hole, drop the plant in, pea on it, and watch it grow, there are RULES.
--Nothing can be planted until it is viewed in at least 6 different locations
--All holes must be dug exactly 2 x the size of the plant container.
--We are no longer allowed to call the stuff under the grass dirt.. it is now "native soil".
--All backfill material must be mixed precisely with 1 part "Native Soil" and one part "Super secret Non Native Soil, that looks like dirt but is $6 a bag"
-- No earthworm is to be injured in the excavation, they are to be handled with respect then gently placed back into the general vicinity after the backfill is complete
(apparently without earthworms and bees the human race would perish in seconds or something)
--Your tool shed must now be referred to as "The Potting House"
--Unless you yourself are a master gardener, your opinion does not count.
These were just the ones I can remember
Here's a tip for you others out there who are either married to, or planning on marrying an "MG";DO NOT
under any circumstance.. get caught trying to bury your miller lite can under the plant... even if it does look like a great earthworm habitat.
But I must admit, I like it when she takes the Initiative... like the following week end when she had the 8 yards of mulch dumped in the center of the driveway.
Guess what proclamation #2 was...