I solved my two problems..
1.can't game in 3D:
Turns out, the Nvidia sync emitter module must connect to the computer even though the nvidia emitter and glasses aren't used to play games. The other jack on the nvidia emitter is disconnected. Basically, you go through the same routine to set up 3DTV play as nvidia 3D vision, only you wear the TV glasses instead of the nvidia glasses. After you finish setup, you can set the desktop resolution to anything you want, but you must set the in-game resolution to 1280x720 in order to get 3D. Other res will play but it will be 2D. Also notice the nvidia control panel will no longer be greyed out under "set up stereo 3D".
Can't play Blu Rays in 3D:
I had all hardware required except the cable. I sorta knew cable had to be HDMI 1.4, but since the HDMI cable I was using worked with my stand alone Blu Ray player, I assumed I met these requirements, whatever those requirements are. Turns out HDMI 1.3 satisfies stand alone requirements but not computer requirements, which must be 1.4. I ordered a 1.4 cable, so presumably it will work although right now, this is only an unproven theory. Even with all the correct HW and SW, you must go to the nvidia control panel and set the resolution to 1920x1080 x 24 refresh, do this by choosing this res under 'HD3D' and refresh will change to 24. This is necessary only for Blu Ray playback in 3D.
Here's how to set up 3DTV play:http://www.nvidia.com/object/3dtv-play.html
Go to this address and click on 'set up guide' on the left hand pane at the bottom.
Hope this helps those who want to both game and watch blu ray 3D on their computers with a 3D ready TV.