Well, I finally had a chance to play it, and as expected it is atrocious.....of course I've come to realize that any Duke Nukem game would be atrocious to me now, having played dozens upon dozens of better shooters since Duke3D and its add-ons first hit the scene, so really......to put it in movie terms....it would be like someone releasing "CITIZEN KANE II" or "THE WAGON TRAIN PART DEUX"........the market for the product has long since either died out or moved on to other things, like porn.
It really does feel like the game was completed in 2000.....but then locked in a vault like Austin Powers....and then brought out, quickly re-created in a new engine (using all the old visual assets) that would run on modern hardware, and released.
It is a SIGHT to behold: The game is truly something that looks like it should run just fine on an original X-Box. I was trying to think of the game that it reminded me of...and it finally hit me: Halo. The level of detail, the jagged edges and low-rez blocky textures. It reminded me of HALO on my xbox at 480p......and that is actually insulting HALO. Duke at 1080p looks like its really running at 480p upscaled.......you will stop and stare in disbelief at how low-rez, simple-shaded and blocky so many things are (I mean...SO many things)......its worth it just to play a few minutes and go "they seriously released this?"
Its biggest problem is that it is not a very fun shooter, it is a "MAN this **** was DOPE in 2001" shooter. So rather than having you spend time shooting aliens, which had been done to death by that point (in 2000), the game has you spending your time playing what we now call Mini-games! INTERACTIVITY!
Remember when you'd walk up to some object in a video game..err...in the 90s and nothing would happen? WELL, DUKE FOREVER SOLVES THAT FOR YOU! You can do CRAZY stuff like, play slot machines. Lift Weights. Throw an object at an alien and watch the alien crumple and die.....its pretty amazing stuff. In fact, you have to, in order to extend your health bar.
Combat is no fun, I mean...NO fun.....pig cops (which are just pigs now, ok more like Wild Boars) just rush you. Think...Serious Sam type enemies. The other flying lizard things basically just teleport as soon as you hit them with one shot, without fail, so one shot..teleport...wait....re-appear, one shot, teleport....wait....re-appear...finish them off.
All the reviews you've read so far have been right about the game in almost every way....it simply is no fun at all to play. There is no tension, the humor is kinda like watching Porky's when you're 50 instead of 14.......maybe the game will just set FIRE to 14 year olds. Oh wait, its the Internet Age...and if you're 14 you've already blown peoples heads apart for years in better games, and you've already seen more porn on the internet than Porn STARS had seen just 10 years earlier......so this game is a true anachronism.
Fail to the King is right.....