Schmidt: I don't really know what that accent is.
Schmidt: I speak English. That isn't English.
Schmidt: Dammit! Been trying to get something going with myself for a full hour. It's like a taffy pole on a hot summer's day.
Jess: "Howard Dean scream!" Everybody in response: "YEEEEE-AAAHH!"
- "Hey, Schmidt, your butt just violated the Hawley-Smoot Tariff Act!”- Jess.
Nick: This foot stool really reminds me of my ex.
Schmidt: Holly, look at these abs. Hard to believe that I used to be such a great big fat person. [Pulls her hand to his side] You know where the fat used to be? It’s been replaced with phantom fat. I still feel it jiggle.
Nick: Holly, he’s really happy! He’s got a 401k and a six pack!
Schmidt: I’m at least 10 percent sadder than Nick right now.
"You love that small shiny man?"
Clinton rules, pick your intern.
Schmidt: “I can’t believe you got us kicked out of the discotheque, Nick.” Nick: “I didn’t even do anything!” Winston: “Dammit, Nick, take the coat off. It freaks girls out.” Nick: “Maybe they’re freaked out because you’re not wearing a trench coat!”
"It's not you. It's the the way that you behave, and the things that you say, and the look on your face."