It completely depends on how much money you want to spend. You could get a Panja Axcent-3 or NXI-M and a touchpanel to control everything:
dvd - IR
Lights - rs232
screen - relay
projector - rs232
B&K processor - IR
This would leave you with tons of future potential and the ability to still control 4-6 more IR devices, 7 relays and 6 RS-232 devices. You'd have to go through a dealer for equipment and programming. I'd imagine pricing might be in the $6000 range.
There's probably a Crestron alternative for a comparable amount as well. I'm sure somebody here has probably hacked together a Pronto to do something similar for a quarter of that, but it'd require all sorts of third party products.