To go along with what G-star said,
pdali, try using Avia, turn the receiver up to 65 or 70 on the dial, and adjust the speaker levels to read 80dB on the SPL meter. This will be your "-5 below reference level" point. To get real movie dynamics, listen at this level or about 5~10 notches below it.
For the sub, you have a good starting point. If your room is smallish, you can probably turn the gain way down on it, like to 1/3 to between 1/3 and 1/2. Setting the sub even with the speakers according to the SPL meter will get you 1~3dB hot, depending on the meter you're using. If you listen at lower overall volume levels, running the sub a bit hotter can bring back some of the bass slam. I personally listen at about -10 to most DVDs (and DD TV shows), sometimes a little higher to about -7.