Well, it's been over 24 hours, and it looks like RickJames won't bite. It's like getting a German spy to say "squirrel". Here are all the proper answers that would have proved, without a doubt, that he was Quebecois. Maybe it'll help anyone who's planning a visit, (like maybe for the next Formula 1 Grand Prix!) with unique insights into Canadian culture...
1. What would you call this?
2.What would you call this?
3. What is the correct way to serve fries?
Smothered in gravy and cheese curds. Not even cheese... cheese curds. You must also drizzle any other rendered meat fats at your disposal (preferably bacon fat) over the top for garnish and to help melt the curds. Meh, whatever... we've got free health care.
4. What do you do on your anniversary?
Trick question - which anniversary? Your wife's? Your mistress'? Which mistress?
5. When you see a traffic signal turn yellow, that means...
There's only time for a maximum of 10 - 15 more cars to pass. I would also accept "Ooh cares, hein? 'Dere's nobody 'ere anyway."
6. Correct following distance behind a car going 100km/h?
Trick question, not even school buses go that slow. However if you do come upon a tourist, one must give a minimum
of 3 inches clearance in dangerous conditions so as to be extra considerate.
7. At what temperature do your testicles start to freeze when you're wearing jeans?
Trick question, all Canadians have balls of steel.
(Fun fact: Jeans will freeze solid at about -25*C or below, even when they are dry!)
8. What do you say when you hit your thumb with a hammer?
Tabernac! Partial points for merde or ****. Canadians are bi-lingual, eh?
(Fun fact: It's the law in Quebec that if you swear at somebody in the street you have to do it in both languages so as not to offend them.)
Be aware while you're visiting that Canadian legal sentences can be quite harsh. Minor offences can sometimes be dealt with by walking the several blocks to the North Pole to get ice for everybody's beer.
I was going to include one more:
9. While crossing the street, you get hit by a car. What do you do?
apologize for damaging the car, make sure the driver is OK, then go to the hospital for free health care... after stopping for some Timbits together. "Hey, I was goin' to Tim's, too!"
But that would have only proven he was from Canada.
As for you, RickJames, you have just proven you are not my buddy, friend.
Here is an informative video to reinforce and expand on my points for those that want to "blend in". We welcome one and all.
Happy belated 150th, everyone!