My problem with the whole do-or-don't tell your significant other about your powers "dilemma" is the arrogance these "heroes" typically display. If you're going to marry someone, that person deserves to know the truth about you. Marrying someone while constantly lying to that person is not the basis upon which to build a lasting and successful relationship.
The "hero" always paints it as a matter of keeping the person safe, but it's arrogant for the "hero" to think that the prospective partner is incapable of making decisions or understanding the gravity of the situation; i.e. it's about trust as much as anything else. It doesn't matter whether it's the obnoxious Clark/Lana relationship or any other: your prospective spouse deserves to decide whether to marry you for who you are and not for the fake persona you project. If marriage is an equal partnership between two people, you're sabotaging the partnership from the beginning by not treating the other person as an equal.
The "hero" should
take one of two options:
- Reveal everything in order to let the prospective spouse make an informed decision as to whether to get married; even if the prospective spouse rejects the proposal, the "hero" should have no worries about having a compromised identity, as the "hero" should have already judged the prospective spouse to be trustworthy by having been willing to marry that person in the first place
- Keep everything hidden and terminate the relationship so the prospective spouse can have the chance to actually marry someone trustworthy
but of course the "hero" rarely takes either of these options and instead either strings along the prospective spouse indefinitely or marries the spouse anyway within a web a lies. Either way, perhaps equal misery ensues both for the fictional characters and for the poor readers/viewers who have to suffer through the same stupid and easily preventable situations over and over again.
Of course, actually handling such situations responsibily wouldn't work very well for comic books, because they share the same open-ended nature as soap operas and are thus designed to continue ad nauseam, thus making the least sensible and most asinine course of action always the one taken so as to provide as much angst and plot "twists" as possible for future issues/seasons.
Barry, please tell Iris your identity before the end of the first season, as she is perfectly capable of making her own decisions, and her father has no business asking you to lie to her face every day just to make himself feel better. It's her life, not his. Thank you.