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post #1 of 40 Old 03-29-2020, 10:07 PM - Thread Starter
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The Easter Deadline...

HO-LY CRAP...I am about to throw up. I am shaking, my body is almost convulsing with my (almost) eleven-month old daughter (well she was) laying on my chest...I gave her to my wife so I could write this. Anyway, I just watch John Oliver and...well, it gave me some feels. Let's start with this...Donald Trump has always wanted to be an actor. I...don't know it to be true, but...people are saying.


Alright, so...John Oliver basically told us we're pitted against ourselves. It's economy vs. public heath. I...don't believe it's that simple...but we'll go with it. And, I can't pick. I'm both. I know we need a strong economy to survive...I do. I also know every live lost is a tragedy. I know there's a balance, and I know people who really care want to find it. Who chooses!? I've had three days off on this forum (for a "naughty" post that was probably construed as snark when it was really just me being sad it came to that) to think about it. I've also had a few days off of work.


So...what data do we have? In the US, we're primarily focused on NY, so far as I can tell. In the rest of the world, at least here in the US, we're focused on China and Italy -- China being "liars" that we "can't trust" (historically, I don't really believe that as a people that's who they are). And, most of the people dying are like flu victims with co-morbidity. (and primarily just having a bad immune system), So...this is mostly flu-like.


We have people freaking out all over. Yep, people are dying...of a flu-like thing (oh, and unhealthy life choices, my own included...I don't like working out unless it is lifting my kids, ok...sorry...I do that a lot, and dance with them...maybe I should do some P90X with them).


So, it's economy vs. health...and we need a damn health system! We know that, right! And, we could be facing the "next war" against viruses, so let's fund that ****...as a nation (and world)! Oh, and try to make the world a little better while we're at it, please.


Does Donald win? I don't know, what do you like more...war or peace? Money or health? Do we have to chose? NO! We just need to balance.


Goodnight. Oh, and I think we open on Easter.
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post #2 of 40 Old 03-29-2020, 10:20 PM - Thread Starter
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...man, there are a lot of typos in that!? And a bunch of things after reading it back to my (slightly displeased at the late hour of the night at which I woke her to read it) wife that I should change. Ugh. I was always better at math than English...it pulled down my SAT score a lot -- though, honestly, I only took it once was too...busy with my computer stuff...to bother to work hard enough to score better because I figured the score I got was good enough for me.


Anyway...I am not sure if we really will open on Easter. But, after watching John Oliver (shots fired at Bill, by the way...what was that about, lol?) I think the President cares more about the economy. Whether it is the right answer or even a balanced answer with the data I actually have in front of me, I really don't know.


A few things I noticed though:


John, where were all the docs from?
Hey, all you "healthy" old folks...you really putting your body where your mouth is when it's not COVID-19!? I would, if it were for the better of the nation and world...I'd have to! It IS for my kids!
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post #3 of 40 Old 03-29-2020, 10:24 PM - Thread Starter
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UGH! Typos in that, too! I can't type well when I am so worked up...read...a bit...altered. We'll go with that. I mean, it's almost legal here, lol. I think it blurs me enough to think outside the box and put random **** together. But, it also really makes it hard to focus and code. I really need a good balance. I think I have it. Bill Maher thinks he has it (and I'd like to believe him). But, thing is...my wife doesn't really. But, I do, and...she trusts me...and loves me. And we almost got divorced over it. But...that's another story.


Ugh...alright, enough. What do y'all think? No one has posted....
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post #4 of 40 Old 03-29-2020, 10:26 PM - Thread Starter
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Oh, well...we also almost really got divorced because she hated how much I was working. I really was killing myself. I didn't really want to, but I really love what I do. Taking it from me, though...it was like taking something I had to hold my close when I was little and no one liked me (well, they teased me, anyway). But, they made me stronger, so...screw 'em if they can't take a joke, lol. I should have handled it better...maybe they would've liked me.


I should handle a lot of things better, actually. My wife helps. And THAT'S why we're still together. She makes me a better person, as does my kids. But, I can't always do that...and, so I got banned for a touch here, lol.
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post #5 of 40 Old 03-29-2020, 10:27 PM - Thread Starter
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Alright, re-watching John Oliver and listening to some tunes. G'night.


My wife thinks I'm crazy for the record. HHAHAHA! I probably am, honestly. At least I feel like it.
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post #6 of 40 Old 03-29-2020, 10:28 PM - Thread Starter
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P.S. Thanks 'Rona and like...Jack, maybe you can have your sailboat afterall, my man!


P.P.S. I am so sorry all these people died for this stupid post to have been made.


Really, going to see how crazy I am...John, don't be letting me down!
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post #7 of 40 Old 03-29-2020, 10:35 PM - Thread Starter
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P.S.S. HO-LY CRAP! I just realized this, TOO! I started this entire thought process with Bill (who is off tonight) and a 911 call. WTF!?!?


P.P.P.S. 911 dude (and follow-up cop) YOU WERE AWESOME! Thanks, seriously, for not arresting me.
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post #8 of 40 Old 03-29-2020, 10:37 PM - Thread Starter
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OK, time to recap John...
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post #9 of 40 Old 03-29-2020, 10:38 PM - Thread Starter
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Go 'eff yourself Corona -- yep.


Stupid show...no! But, you're humble...I try (and sometimes fail).


HAHA bath time, John (are you really home?).
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post #10 of 40 Old 03-29-2020, 10:38 PM - Thread Starter
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TikTok -- thanks China!
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post #11 of 40 Old 03-29-2020, 10:39 PM - Thread Starter
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HAHA, me, too...but, I pick a younger guy than is in office at all.


edit: ok, that was a dick move. Just...sorry Bill.
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post #12 of 40 Old 03-29-2020, 10:41 PM - Thread Starter
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Truth about the hair...and yes, mine is bad. John, those hair-dos rock! But, if you're going on TV, look good at least (I probably wouldn't, lol).


edit: ugh! John, that wasn't about you and your hair. I meant, if you are going to be on TV you want to have good looking hair probably because that is what people want to see (mostly, right...statistically, I suppose...I mean...unless you're going for "not good"). Oh, 'eff it, whatever...people's looks are not my primary concern.
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post #13 of 40 Old 03-29-2020, 10:44 PM - Thread Starter
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Oh time, preparing, like forever? I missed some stuff... Oh, and we need to use more land for people not cows (and maybe some fake cow that tastes like cow would get that done...). Oh, and farmers, people will always want cow, so...start a business making real cow scare marketed as a premier good and be done with it.


Ugh, have to rewind.
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post #14 of 40 Old 03-29-2020, 10:45 PM
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Alright, re-watching John Oliver and listening to some tunes. G'night.


My wife thinks I'm crazy for the record. HHAHAHA! I probably am, honestly. At least I feel like it.
Always remember as long you think you are/could be crazy, you're probably not. It's when you stop believing it's possible..then worry.

"Espresso is like tequila, when in doubt apply more shots."
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post #15 of 40 Old 03-29-2020, 10:46 PM - Thread Starter
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That's how I convince myself my wife is wrong and I'm not bi-polar or MPD, lol.
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post #16 of 40 Old 03-29-2020, 10:48 PM - Thread Starter
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OK, done posting...I can't do it any more, lol.


It's pretty much every one else's turn. And, I will finish my show and listen to some tunes and go to bed later than I probably should, lol.


I'll stick around for a bit.
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post #17 of 40 Old 03-29-2020, 11:20 PM - Thread Starter
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WTH Rats?! I didn't get this far before I started this thread. Those rat drawings at the end of John Oliver are...interesting. HAHAHA, and I bet he gets the one he wants.


And...the ending of the show that I missed pretty much sums it up for me. Now it would be so crazy if the "conspiracy" that's in my head were true. Oh my, I would really hope not...or...maybe hope so, if it brings a world together it was worth it! It really has bifurcated us to our core, I think. I mean, money and heath, money and health...and lots of really rich companies that we helped make rich and freely trained their AIs. Can they donate it all to the health companies? I mean, I doubt it, how liquid are they. But, people are backing out of the stock market and letting them liquidate. So, can we get that done, please? Can we get some healthcare and point it at virus research so we can fight against the thing that may be next in line to kill us off. Well, that and our own poor choices, but...we may be able to use viruses to fix that, too. I mean, they can change our DNA, right? Not that I'm advocating for some super-humans, but...just let us fight cancer and stuff...and then the only thing holding us back is healthcare. But, ugh...do we really *want* to live forever? I mean, do we? I've watched enough sci-fi to know the many ways that could turn out!?


edit: to say better what I mean...or maybe not. I suck at expressing myself in text (and words, really...needs lots of back-and-forth to get my ideas out right and even then I'm never sure if I'm ever right).
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post #18 of 40 Old 03-30-2020, 12:24 AM
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That's how I convince myself my wife is wrong and I'm not bi-polar or MPD, lol.
Risperdal and a consistently good amount of sleep. A combination that I personally know can do wonders.
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post #19 of 40 Old 03-30-2020, 12:36 AM
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Well, That was painful. After a couple of Anjeo's I've recovered.
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post #20 of 40 Old 03-30-2020, 12:59 AM - Thread Starter
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Risperdal and a consistently good amount of sleep. A combination that I personally know can do wonders.
LOL. I researched it, it says it treats autism, bipolar disorder, and schizophrenia...with the drug primarily listed under schizophrenia. If I am schizophrenic, how can I function...so many people I know have told me horror stories of people they knew who were schizophrenic. They said they always ended up off their meds and back in trouble. Couldn't handle the side effects, or maybe just enjoyed the schizophrenia. I mean, if I were schizophrenic and that's how I do what I do, I couldn't take the drug anyway...I couldn't give up my career, I can do so much good with it if I put myself into it. Not to mention, honestly, that I think I mostly have it under control. Despite no one else seemingly believing it, since every one of the people I love has told me to get help...and recently, too.



Of course, at the moment I certainly am thinking I need some help given the crap that's running through my mind. AND I think my wife is really pissed. But, I need to chill the 'eff out. My sister should give me the name of a good doctor ASAP, because it seems I may have finally cracked, .

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Well, That was painful. After a couple of Anjeo's I've recovered.
I suppose I am sorry for the pain I caused you through our textual intercourse; could've been worse, though, right?
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post #21 of 40 Old 03-30-2020, 04:08 AM
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LOL. I researched it, it says it treats autism, bipolar disorder, and schizophrenia...with the drug primarily listed under schizophrenia. If I am schizophrenic, how can I function...so many people I know have told me horror stories of people they knew who were schizophrenic. They said they always ended up off their meds and back in trouble. Couldn't handle the side effects, or maybe just enjoyed the schizophrenia. I mean, if I were schizophrenic and that's how I do what I do, I couldn't take the drug anyway...I couldn't give up my career, I can do so much good with it if I put myself into it. Not to mention, honestly, that I think I mostly have it under control. Despite no one else seemingly believing it, since every one of the people I love has told me to get help...and recently, too.



Of course, at the moment I certainly am thinking I need some help given the crap that's running through my mind. AND I think my wife is really pissed. But, I need to chill the 'eff out. My sister should give me the name of a good doctor ASAP, because it seems I may have finally cracked,
You should consider seeing a professional ASAP. There is absolutely no shame in it. A lot of us put mental health treatment on hold thinking that we have our issues "mostly under control," but all it takes is one bad break to ruin us. It is especially bad with this virus response where things that once kept us grounded in reality, such as job predictability and live professional sports, have been torn away from us.

Finally seeking help after decades of issues was the best decision of my life.
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post #22 of 40 Old 03-30-2020, 06:50 AM - Thread Starter
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You should consider seeing a professional ASAP. There is absolutely no shame in it. A lot of us put mental health treatment on hold thinking that we have our issues "mostly under control," but all it takes is one bad break to ruin us. It is especially bad with this virus response where things that once kept us grounded in reality, such as job predictability and live professional sports, have been torn away from us.

Finally seeking help after decades of issues was the best decision of my life.
I already called my sister and asked for a name of the person she went to when she was having issues. I have told my wife in the past I'd go...suppose if more people keep telling me I should, I should...can't hurt. It could be interesting to be analyzed anyway. I worry what we'll find buried in my head, though....in fact, that scares me more than the devil I know (which is my head as it stands right now).
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post #23 of 40 Old 03-30-2020, 09:39 AM - Thread Starter
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So...I guess I've recovered from my...episode. But, there are still shreds of truth through my thought process. The oddest part is that I know that while analyzing the thoughts the possibility that what I am thinking is true is exceptionally small. However, if there's any chance, when I get into a mood, I just keep on running with it unchecked. Often, I pretty much create the plot of a crazy fiction in my head and can't recognize how crazy it all is until I come down and realize that while it could make for good fiction it is highly unlikely, statistically.


In this particular case, if anyone is wondering, I began by thinking how crazy it would be if Trump were acting this whole time; a stooge put in place to mess with us all while devising this crisis. California is a movie-town and NY is his home town, so it "couldn't be" a huge leap to think they could be manipulated into going along. Especially as we focus primarily in NYC. Of course, the number of players that would need to be involved, paid off, I mean...obviously in any rational state-of-mind one knows it's highly unlikely -- that's why just about every conspiracy theory falls apart. Or is it? I mean, to trump up a super-flu in the media and use the carnage as a smoke-screen underneath of which we change the world to create a better heath-care system by exposing its deficiencies. Boy, I don't know how we'd react, but...it's better than what would happen if this were a lot more deadly and we reacted with this same level of give-an-'eff. A teaching moment for next time (and let's hope it's a long way off).


In the meantime, I suppose, for me at least, it's time to start really voting with my wallet. Companies that don't help the environment or healthcare system or the American people while benefiting off our hard earned dollars are no longer getting my money. And, I have a lot of money saved and sitting in accounts waiting for the next housing crisis-like event in my lifetime and it appears this fits the bill. If I burn it all buying stock in companies that are doing good in my eyes then I'll consider it a worth-while gamble; I can make more money. Besides, it's the best time to invest with the market down. So, I will put my money where I hope it makes a difference in the only way I can and, with that, I can regain some tiny bit of control over the insanity (in the world and, especially, in my head). More, if we could all just agree on what those companies were, just think what we could do together!



But, hey, in the meantime, this is an A/V forum and the above could be a heck of a movie, lol.


Sorry for the insanity folks -- still wondering what the over-under on Easter is. I still think we open and I still have no clue if it'll be the right decision. And, I don't select that easily; I hope none of the folks that actually make the decision do, either! But, I don't know how long it'll take to figure out if we chose wisely.
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post #24 of 40 Old 03-30-2020, 10:15 AM
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So...I guess I've recovered from my...episode. But, there are still shreds of truth through my thought process. The oddest part is that I know that while analyzing the thoughts the possibility that what I am thinking is true is exceptionally small. However, if there's any chance, when I get into a mood, I just keep on running with it unchecked. Often, I pretty much create the plot of a crazy fiction in my head and can't recognize how crazy it all is until I come down and realize that while it could make for good fiction it is highly unlikely, statistically.


In this particular case, if anyone is wondering, I began by thinking how crazy it would be if Trump were acting this whole time; a stooge put in place to mess with us all while devising this crisis. California is a movie-town and NY is his home town, so it "couldn't be" a huge leap to think they could be manipulated into going along. Especially as we focus primarily in NYC. Of course, the number of players that would need to be involved, paid off, I mean...obviously in any rational state-of-mind one knows it's highly unlikely -- that's why just about every conspiracy theory falls apart. Or is it? I mean, to trump up a super-flu in the media and use the carnage as a smoke-screen underneath of which we change the world to create a better heath-care system by exposing its deficiencies. Boy, I don't know how we'd react, but...it's better than what would happen if this were a lot more deadly and we reacted with this same level of give-an-'eff. A teaching moment for next time (and let's hope it's a long way off).


In the meantime, I suppose, for me at least, it's time to start really voting with my wallet. Companies that don't help the environment or healthcare system or the American people while benefiting off our hard earned dollars are no longer getting my money. And, I have a lot of money saved and sitting in accounts waiting for the next housing crisis-like event in my lifetime and it appears this fits the bill. If I burn it all buying stock in companies that are doing good in my eyes then I'll consider it a worth-while gamble; I can make more money. Besides, it's the best time to invest with the market down. So, I will put my money where I hope it makes a difference in the only way I can and, with that, I can regain some tiny bit of control over the insanity (in the world and, especially, in my head). More, if we could all just agree on what those companies were, just think what we could do together!



But, hey, in the meantime, this is an A/V forum and the above could be a heck of a movie, lol.


Sorry for the insanity folks -- still wondering what the over-under on Easter is. I still think we open and I still have no clue if it'll be the right decision. And, I don't select that easily; I hope none of the folks that actually make the decision do, either! But, I don't know how long it'll take to figure out if we chose wisely.
Glad to know you went through the episode without serious consequences. Still consider seeking professional advice, though. Doctors, psychiatrists and other professionals who specialize in the field can really help in mitigating future breakdowns.

I've been through all manner of destructive thinking, including strict belief in a branch of simulation theory which posits that the frequent coincidences in my life are programmed to the amusement of my creator(s). While it all could be true, we can never know for certain and dwelling on these thoughts only put barriers in our ability to enjoy life. I think those of us who are deeply into technology are especially prone to such far-reaching theories of existentialism.
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post #25 of 40 Old 03-30-2020, 10:35 AM - Thread Starter
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Glad to know you went through the episode without serious consequences. Still consider seeking professional advice, though. Doctors, psychiatrists and other professionals who specialize in the field can really help in mitigating future breakdowns.

I've been through all manner of destructive thinking, including strict belief in a branch of simulation theory which posits that the frequent coincidences in my life are programmed to the amusement of my creator(s). While it all could be true, we can never know for certain and dwelling on these thoughts only put barriers in our ability to enjoy life. I think those of us who are deeply into technology are especially prone to such far-reaching theories of existentialism.
Indeed, I need to learn how to deal with the insanity that my brain can levy upon me. All the mood swings that I'm doing my best to recognize and get in front of need to be analyzed so I can try to thwart them completely.


It's so hard to determine what is destructive and what's not, though. Sometimes it really helps and it certainly adds to my level of creativity. Sometimes it goes too far and makes connections where there is statistically none and I need to prune them later, which is an unneeded burden.


But, you're right, learning to focus my thoughts can, hopefully, only help me use the tools I've been blessed with to the best of their abilities rather than dragging them through the muck.
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post #26 of 40 Old 03-30-2020, 12:57 PM
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LOL. I researched it, it says it treats autism, bipolar disorder, and schizophrenia...with the drug primarily listed under schizophrenia. If I am schizophrenic, how can I function...so many people I know have told me horror stories of people they knew who were schizophrenic. They said they always ended up off their meds and back in trouble. Couldn't handle the side effects, or maybe just enjoyed the schizophrenia. I mean, if I were schizophrenic and that's how I do what I do, I couldn't take the drug anyway...I couldn't give up my career, I can do so much good with it if I put myself into it. Not to mention, honestly, that I think I mostly have it under control. Despite no one else seemingly believing it, since every one of the people I love has told me to get help...and recently, too.



Of course, at the moment I certainly am thinking I need some help given the crap that's running through my mind. AND I think my wife is really pissed. But, I need to chill the 'eff out. My sister should give me the name of a good doctor ASAP, because it seems I may have finally cracked, .


I suppose I am sorry for the pain I caused you through our textual intercourse; could've been worse, though, right?
I'd personally try relaxing and chilling out first. Psychotropic drugs which alter mood should only be done as a last resort, and often cause more problems than they fix.Since we're like a computer program, but instead stored with chemical reactions.

Think of it like this. Imagine the drugs like a film to digital restoration. You might get lucky and only the outlines of the Tie Fighters get blended away or replace the colors of the light sabers. Or, you might get digitally added CGI creatures walking in the background. You never know what the directors intent of these drugs will force upon you.

But unlike just putting in a DVD rather than a Blu-ray into the player to get the original you back, these drugs can sometimes permanently change your mind forever.
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post #27 of 40 Old 03-30-2020, 03:25 PM
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@DreamWarrior Not very sexy but meditation and breathing control can sometimes do wonders. Do find a way to get your flat tire rolling round again.
Yes it could have been worse but you are still posting and seeking light. I'll take it.

Last edited by Peja; 03-30-2020 at 03:29 PM.
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post #28 of 40 Old 03-30-2020, 07:19 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DreamWarrior View Post
Indeed, I need to learn how to deal with the insanity that my brain can levy upon me. All the mood swings that I'm doing my best to recognize and get in front of need to be analyzed so I can try to thwart them completely.


It's so hard to determine what is destructive and what's not, though. Sometimes it really helps and it certainly adds to my level of creativity. Sometimes it goes too far and makes connections where there is statistically none and I need to prune them later, which is an unneeded burden.


But, you're right, learning to focus my thoughts can, hopefully, only help me use the tools I've been blessed with to the best of their abilities rather than dragging them through the muck.
Brian, you're a great guy and I certainly have thoroughly enjoyed every GTG . Reach out and get some help brother, no need to try and deal with all this sh*t yourself. You are smart, now you also need to be wise. If you ever need to talk, you have my number.
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post #29 of 40 Old 04-03-2020, 01:39 PM - Thread Starter
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Been away for a few days...have so much work to do, figured I'd take my mind off the insanity and get back to that. It helps...mostly. Until I realize how overwhelmed with work I am, too, lol.


I have also been writing a lot of my thoughts down and taking dictation, it seems to be helping me adjust. I do hope I come out a more adjusted person on the other side of this. But, I still feel myself getting angry too easily at stuff I know I shouldn't. It sucks because I feel as though I have the capability of clarity and calm demeanor and I always work things out better that way, but I'm am so easily triggered by "stupid".


Just today my mom was telling me some lady in line at the Target saw her buying a dress for my daughter and said, to her friend while glaring at my mom, "I thought we were only supposed to buy essentials" with an attitude. I was like, "I'd have told the stupid b-tch that unless she wants me to check her entire cart for what I think is essential and shove everything I deemed not up her a$$ she best shut her mouth." Which is probably not what I'd do in person, but...it wasn't even called for. Why do I even care what some idiot does to my mom that didn't even impact her at a store? I need to sing Frozen songs to myself all day long, lol..."let it go, let it go" -- all...day...long. Of course, that may be enough to induce some other mental break, lol.
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post #30 of 40 Old 04-03-2020, 01:53 PM
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If you can’t explain it simply, you don’t understand it well enough – Albert Einstein
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