Everything is going to a "reference standard" setup on most receivers. For what you want, start looking at receivers at $2500 or more, you might find those features.
Honestly, if your cable box is blasting the subs (ie, has excessively EQ'd the bass region) then it most certainly sounds like a problem with that device. I have not seen a settop box that has done that myself, and are you sure you don't have a tone or bass setting on the cable box? And if not, then that means you configured the receiver to be bass heavy to begin with.
If you don't want the surrounds/tops overly loud than don't configure them as loud in the setup.
Sounds like you want certain setups for certain things and other setups for other things, which are all far from "reference standard" as the baseline.
If a system is setup properly, and you have good equipment, then you shouldn't need to accentuate anything anywhere. I wanted a little more bass on my setup and a little more laid-back midrange, so I used the built-in EQ and made those changes. I cannot remember if they saved which EQ for which input, but I am pretty sure it did. THAT is what you should strive for (and what they account for).
To change surround/top levels drastically based upon input is not what the designers (or most other people, ie, their primary consumers) would ever even think of doing. Honestly, they allow multiple different listening modes, find one that works without needing the change levels. Personally I end up using "direct" modes for stereo listening which removes all surround/top speakers altogether.
To expect a puristic playback device to fix the problems with all your other devices is kinda strange, or at least you should fully expect to pay more for such functionality.