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Audiophilia Upgraditus

The purpose of this post is to raise awareness of a terminal condition which is sweeping most of the civilized world.

It predominantly affects middle aged men, although persons of any age or gender may be affected.

Early symptoms manifest themselves as follows. The victim will be unable to drive past a BestBuy outlet without “just popping in”. In the very early stages, the victim may even reappear empty-handed.

As the condition worsens, the victim will probably become quite reclusive. At the point where he starts to call one of the rooms in the house his “cave”, the condition has become irreversible.

It is at this point that the victim may be tested by the utterance of the word “Bose”. The word will induce a nervous twitch and, as the condition progresses, can cause heart failure and acts of extreme violence. Tests should only be carried out under competent medical and military supervision.

The visits to BestBuy will now result in large quantities of cardboard appearing outside the cave, and an increasing level of noise from within. The noise, if suitably attenuated, can be identified as music. Recommended attenuation is double hearing protection. Around 500 yards should be maintained between any observer and the source.

The victim will, in due course, cease the visits to BestBuy, but this should be seen for what it is; the progression of the condition. He will start to babble ceaselessly about high-end audio stores and seek to visit such establishments, armed with a Visa card and a rented truck. At this point, only symptomatic treatment is possible.

The symptoms may be temporarily treated by the administration of large quantities of single malt Scotch whisky as soon as the victim is seen to reach for his car keys. Asking “What was that piece of music you were playing last night?” may help, since it will usually result in a headlong rush to the cave, followed by a repetition of the afore-mentioned cacophony. On no account must the word “Bose” be mentioned, unless a SWAT team is on hand, especially if the victim has internet access and a forum membership.

Despite the severity of the condition, it is not generally contagious, although to some extent, it appears to be hereditary. Remarkably, the victim’s spouse is extremely unlikely to become affected.
 

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Audiophilia Upgraditus

The purpose of this post is to raise awareness of a terminal condition which is sweeping most of the civilized world.

It predominantly affects middle aged men, although persons of any age or gender may be affected.

Early symptoms manifest themselves as follows. The victim will be unable to drive past a BestBuy outlet without “just popping in”. In the very early stages, the victim may even reappear empty-handed.

As the condition worsens, the victim will probably become quite reclusive. At the point where he starts to call one of the rooms in the house his “cave”, the condition has become irreversible.

It is at this point that the victim may be tested by the utterance of the word “Bose”. The word will induce a nervous twitch and, as the condition progresses, can cause heart failure and acts of extreme violence. Tests should only be carried out under competent medical and military supervision.

The visits to BestBuy will now result in large quantities of cardboard appearing outside the cave, and an increasing level of noise from within. The noise, if suitably attenuated, can be identified as music. Recommended attenuation is double hearing protection. Around 500 yards should be maintained between any observer and the source.

The victim will, in due course, cease the visits to BestBuy, but this should be seen for what it is; the progression of the condition. He will start to babble ceaselessly about high-end audio stores and seek to visit such establishments, armed with a Visa card and a rented truck. At this point, only symptomatic treatment is possible.

The symptoms may be temporarily treated by the administration of large quantities of single malt Scotch whisky as soon as the victim is seen to reach for his car keys. Asking “What was that piece of music you were playing last night?” may help, since it will usually result in a headlong rush to the cave, followed by a repetition of the afore-mentioned cacophony. On no account must the word “Bose” be mentioned, unless a SWAT team is on hand, especially if the victim has internet access and a forum membership.

Despite the severity of the condition, it is not generally contagious, although to some extent, it appears to be hereditary. Remarkably, the victim’s spouse is extremely unlikely to become affected.
Clearly you have only a very minor and weak version of this condition.:)
No Atmos / Auro setup, only 2 subs and no large screen projector.
Not a hardcore sufferer by AVS standards. :D
 

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LOL. The approach of the purple or brown or red white & blue delivery truck works for those of us who can't drop in a local store. After a while the guys delivering wonder just what the hell you got going in there, especially if they approach the door during something being played back at significant levels. :)

That single malt really helps sometimes, though.
 

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Thank you. This description has helped me identify my problem and I have sought treatment.


The propagation of the symptoms was on a bit different curve for me, as all sufferers react differently to the infection. In my case, the Best Buy Phase was brief and progressed in one visit to High End Audio Dealer status.


I was prescribed a different course of medication to start however, as it was Single Barrel Kentucky Bourbon, followed by Small Batch Tennesee Rye and finally Single Malt Scotch Whisky. This has been the first night of treatment. What is recommended for follow-up?


:eek:


Oh yes...I noticed that my last born is seriously infected, yet at 26 still far too young to be prescribed the medication as his body will reject it. And he works for the B-word place!!! Oh...what to do?? God save us.
 
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You totally failed to mention two other symptoms that are in fact diagnostic to the condition.
A) The accumulation of miles and miles of very pretty and VERY expensive wire cables that run from each piece of equipment to the next. Sometimes, in severe cases , the worth of these cables is far in excess of all the other components put together. Only the afflicted person will be able to discern any audible benefits to such hi tech cabling.
B) The patient will be seen to be holding a tape measure at all times. This will be to make in home and in store measurements in order to ensure dimensional suitability of components. The most severely affected will also be carrying a builders manual in case structural alterations are needed due to dimensional non compliance.:D
 

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Thank you. This description has helped me identify my problem and I have sought treatment.


The propagation of the symptoms was on a bit different curve for me, as all sufferers react differently to the infection. In my case, the Best Buy Phase was brief and progressed in one visit to High End Audio Dealer status.


I was prescribed a different course of medication to start however, as it was Single Barrel Kentucky Bourbon, followed by Small Batch Tennesee Rye and finally Single Malt Scotch Whisky. This has been the first night of treatment. What is recommended for follow-up?


:eek:


Oh yes...I noticed that my last born is seriously infected, yet at 26 still far too young to be prescribed the medication as his body will reject it. And he works for the B-word place!!! Oh...what to do?? God save us.

I am similarly infected. All above symptoms I have. No cure in sight. Wife occasionally forces temporary immunity with discussions of monies spent and those needing to be spent on children and food, but said immunity is temporary.
 

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it starts to really get serious when you make plans to BUILD a new house so you can have an ideal, acoustically transparent room, just for your music and movies.

you know, no parallel walls, rooms built to allow tons of room treatment, diffuse side walls and anechoic front wall but a live back end.

it gets bad.
 

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Discussion Starter #12
Only joking about the cable. Please don't shoot.
Cables. What is this new attraction of which you speak?

As has already been pointed out, I am in the early stages of this condition. Not too early, because I'd already thought of taking a wall or two out as I was reading about making things fit. It seems so obvious that the house needs to bend to fit the equipment.
 
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Hello, my name is Jordan...


I have had this disease since I was young.

It started with an obsession @ 14 years old when I became involved in SPL Car Audio.

Over the last 20 years, the symptoms have become worse.

I tried to form a support group, but that failed horribly. Group meetings quickly turned into spirited listening sessions with measurment mics!


Trying to ignore the issue will only make it worse. As the available funds start to increase due to symptom avoidance, it quickly snaps into focus that there is more cash for better upgrades...


I can only imagine that one day things will get better... well, no.... but heres to wishful thinking!

:cool:
 

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Remarkably, the victim’s spouse is extremely unlikely to become affected.
Yup, unfortunately my wife has not been affected LOL!
 

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Sufferers reportedly have taken to dragging an air mattress out into the listening area so they can lie in the MLP and suffer the horrors of their affliction on a nightly basis. (well, at least this sufferer). This is sometimes related to symptoms reported by @KJSteward and @asere among others.
 
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Discussion Starter #16
I'd forgotten about this thread. When I started it, it was more than somewhat tongue-in-cheek, but I have to report that the condition has worsened.

I have discovered vacuum tubes, cables and vintage audio. I now have a 2.0 pile of electronics as well as the original 7.2 mess.

Life is good, but getting expensive.

 

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Tom Waits speaks for the neighbors. From his song, "What's he building?"

What's he building in there?
What the hell is he building
In there?
He has subscriptions to those
Magazines...
What's he building in there?
With that hook light
On the stairs. What's he building
In there... I'll tell you one thing
He's not building a playhouse for
The children what's he building
In there?

Now what's that sound from under the door?
He's pounding nails into a
Hardwood floor... and I
Swear to god I heard someone
Moaning low... and I keep
Seeing the blue light of a
T.V. show...
He has a router
And a table saw...
 

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It's quite a persistent affliction though, and the only known cure (going deaf) is worse than the disease.


:D
 
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